Do you have more time spent planning the wedding Than marriage?

When Herb and I make plans to attend the wedding of dear 'friends our daughter, I am once again struck by the challenge that all couples face after marriage is over - How do you want a successful marriage of the time?

Many couples work hard for months for the wedding "perfect" plan. Every detail is addressed and resolved. Contingency plans are designed, the programs have been completed and preparations are carefully organized and arranged. There is also a dress rehearsal for themajor events of the day. Nothing is left to chance, every circumstance is expected and considered

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But like many couples spend even a fraction of the time they spend in planning a wedding planning the wedding, as many plans for marriage at all? Still, the morning after you say "I Do", watch them as a married couple and spend the next few years of his life trying to orient themselves "happy and satisfied." Sorrymany will never achieve, as nearly half of all marriages divorced.

And living together before marriage is not the formula for success. Several studies, including a new book by Mike and Harriet McManus, Living Together: Myths risks and responses show that approximately 67% of couples who live together before marriage eventually divorce, compared with 45% of all marriages.

So, what is the "magic formula" for a long and happy lifetogether?

Well, I am of the opinion that such a marriage work begins long before marriage and starts to each of us. First, we must become mature, loving, caring, forgiving, reliable person with a clear understanding of our expectations, needs, likes, dislike and needs.

Read that again - Mature, loving, generous, tolerant, secure. Does that describe you or the person with whom you are involved?

You certainly understand your expectations,Needs, likes, dislikes, and needs? Can you communicate effectively, and to reconcile honest, as good as anyone else is likely to complement those conditions?

If you are not currently in a relationship, now is the time for the properties and characteristics that are needed to help determine happily married. If you are not involved with someone, you can read more about your assessment of the true objective.

Along the lines of the old "Ben FranklinApproach, to be honest with themselves and develop two lists - one that stores all the attributes, values ​​and qualities that a "must" can be -. things that you can not live all that out there "is deeply spiritual" to "love college football" a "loyal, kind, caring and attentive" to "a positive attitude towards life." Remember, this is your listing, please a bit 'serious examination of conscience here to compose a personal analysis, meaningful and descriptive.

On the list of otherPut everything that you do not live with, perhaps, "jealousy," "infidelity" and "personal control", "does not want children / dogs" or "negative thinker, etc. Take the time to really check, what worked and what did not work in your past relationships, and why. sure to regularly refine and update these lists as new thoughts come to you. And as full as possible - remember to look out to define the characteristics of that day and you will have to live with day afterYear after year after year!

And make sure that these traits are not surface features. Note that the passage of time and sees a poor indicator of whether they are compatible and happy together. Human weight gain, hair loss (hair growing where you do not grow before) and develop wrinkles. Accidents can fold deformities, diseases rob our skin healthy and gravitational forces and lowering it. To make sure you define what you want to display in aPerson, not outside!

So the next time to be involved with someone and feel to take it seriously and check your lists. Use them to judge whether the trains to the right person "can not live" list, or "I can not live with." And do not be too willing to compromise - you remember those lists made after careful analysis and self-experience over time. Do not be unreasonable to admit, but not major issues, just because you want this. Draw

Realize that most of the problems after the marriage of questions that have been, of course, occur before the causes of these little ones often choose "red flags" to ignore when they appear. The jealous husband was the jealous boyfriend - he scored the fact that he "cared" so much about you. And the 'high maintenance' women have shown the same "the world revolves around me" trends, if to be had. But then, when it is "princess-like"Quality of being funny and engaging.

So choose carefully! Do not expect your spouse is in a better suit you change after you are married. Or that "grow", "true", "safer" or "learn compromise." In fact, to be realistic and accept that they can be annoying thorns in the side large as time passes. Maya Angelou has a very wise man said: "People say they are, I believe - the first time."

The bottom line firstmarriage is to work first to make sure you are ready to assume the responsibilities of marriage. This is what you can and accept the decisions in the best interest of your new family, and not just themselves. That you are mature enough to forgive, they can leave the past in the past, and effectively communicate without anger, if a problem occurs. And you're a confident, secure, well-adjusted individual who is truly willing to share their lives withsomeone else, but do not have a relationship to feel important.

Then make a wise choice of partners of choice to get to know each other before. Do you want to spend much time together in various situations of stress and demanding. Be clear about your (and their) expectations of marriage and each other. Discuss finances, children, religion, career goals, family traditions and family tasks. Find all sectors of incompatibility - I promise I willagain! Join couples counseling and / or engaged encounter weekend to gain a more objective perspective on your relationship. And, above all, be honest with each other, themselves, and not try to "put your best" to do, just make a good impression. You can not maintain an excuse for life!

But what about the "I do's?" It's too late to get your level of compatibility requirements with your reality in line? Not at all! The same principles apply - you need to develop orin, mature, loving, caring, forgiving, certain individuals. And you have even more incentive than before - now your marriage is at stake! But think - you can find the way together, especially when you are ready, some tried and true biblical principles should be adopted.

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control."

~ Galatians 5:22

If you meet these attributes, you'll be well on your way to formulate a strategy for a successful marriage. Take one at a time and think about how you use both to improve your marriage and possibly your life.

Be loving tothe other, remember what you have to each other at the beginning of your relationship. Love one another as God loves you - be willing to forgive and not be judgmental.

Practice love and forgive and less critical than anyone else in your life, when I think we all make mistakes.

Embraces the joyful side of life, have gratitude for all that is good around you. Recognize your blessings, even in the midst of difficulties and frustrations thatare an inevitable part of life.

Choose a quiet existence. The decisions that make life easier and allow you to experience more peace in your daily life with God and each other. Select your friends and improve skills, your rest, rather than deprive you of it. Living within your means, so as to eliminate money concerns.

Be patient with each other remember that you are in all their different spiritual journeys, evenIt goes like this together. You will discover the light at a different time, but you can help each other learn and grow.

Treat each other with kindness, with love and respect to speak with a more attentive and thoughtful tone calm. Let your love is clear to them and others through the way you speak.

Let your decisions dictate the goods, that are virtuous, honest anddefined by integrity in all aspects of life. Your professionalism and your personal life should reflect a value system honest, noble and ethical.

Be faithful and true to your commitment to God and to each other. Do not leave your job, hobbies, interests, or to sabotage the stimulus outside the other, the feds who have done together. Honor your vows, are dedicated to them and your marriage. Give one another of your time and your talents, puttingHis marriage with the demands and temptations of this world.

Directions disagreements and difficulties in a gentle and compassionate spirit of understanding. Be understanding of mutual problems and challenges, and considerate of each other needs. Cooperate with each other and be willing to compromise for the sake of your marriage.

Exercise self-control when you are angry, frustrated, disappointed, hurt or tried. Put yourself in the otherPut the person and test the effect of your words and deeds imagine. Make sure you decide on what you say, how you say and what you do very carefully. Choose not to "lose the war." To "fight" and in the process, weigh the words and actions carefully, have an effect on your spouse and your marriage. Make positive decisions, not negative - on the safe side of love, forgiveness and commitment to your marriage.

One can understand what you read thatThe adoption of the Internet requires a mature perspective and point of view. It calls not to mention your selfish tendencies and you remember one more thing itself, it is thought to be someone else and can affect how your actions. It means that you must learn to communicate in a more constructive way, making sure to temper your feelings so that the message is delivered and in a positive and enriching.

If these qualities in your marriage andYour daily life will not be easy, and it will take a lot of practice! I find that I need God's help on a regular basis has consistently me back on track. But to improve to be a commitment to these values ​​and to enrich your marriage and also the quality of your daily existence.

So before you say "I want", especially after so much time spent on "planning" your marriage. Make the choice set, the essential characteristics of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness to embrace,Gentleness and self control.

Using them as a guide to keep you on track when you stumble and fall. It is a litmus test to ascertain the source of the problems that arise. Almost every problem can again be attributed to a deficiency or weakness in one of these areas.

The adoption of these properties and makes them part of your "wedding planner", we will provide a stable framework, a pattern of behavior that will improve your relationship, help to identify who choseCause of your problems and help you find the way to a lasting marriage, successful and happy.

"Life is short, and you love your wife, in love with her. This is what you want as you fight for life on this earth." ~ Ecclesiastes 9:09

Do you have more time spent planning the wedding Than marriage?